1. I think part of a best friend's job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. 2. Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you're wrong. 3. I totally take back all those times I didn't want to nap when I was younger. 4. There is great need for a sarcasm font. 5. How the hell are you supposed to fold a fitted sheet? [I know how!] 6. Was learning cursive really necessary? 7. MapQuest really needs to start their directions on #5. I'm pretty sure I know how to get out of my neighborhood. 8. Obituaries would be a lot more interesting if they told you how the person died. 9. I can't remember the last time I wasn't at least kind of tired. 10. Bad decisions make good stories. 11. You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you know that you just aren't going to do anything productive for the rest of the day. 12. Can we all just agree to ignore whatever comes after Blue Ray? I don't want to have to restart my collection...again. 13. I'm always slightly terrified when I exit out of Word and it asks me if I want to save any changes to my ten-page research paper that I swear I did not make any changes to. 14. "Do not machine wash or tumble dry" means I will never wash this -- ever. 15. I hate when I just miss a call by the last ring (Hello? Hello? Darn it!), but when I immediately call back, it rings nine times and goes to voicemail. What'd you do after I didn't answer? Drop the phone and run away? 16. I hate leaving my house confident and looking good and then not seeing anyone of importance the entire day. What a waste. 17. I keep some people's phone numbers in my phone just so I know not to answer when they call. 18. My 4-year old son asked me in the car the other day "Dad what would happen if you ran over a ninja?" How in the world do I respond to that? 19. I think the freezer deserves a light as well. 20. I disagree with Kay Jewelers. I would bet on any given Friday or Saturday night more kisses begin with Miller Lites than Kay.
Sorry I haven't been around much. I do post to twitter and Facebook semi-regularly though.
It was my joy to officiate at your wedding! And you were a lot of fun
to be with. I pray you will have a wonderful marriage.
Q and I thank you for your nice gift card. We look forward to
using it soon. And thanks for personally coming to SYC dinner dance to
bring the card with you. I was delighted that my "bride" go to meet the new
"bride and groom"!!
I would for you to keep in touch. So let me hear sometimes what's happening
in your life--together!
Have a blessed Christmas!
Sincerely, In Christ,
Except well, I haven't gotten married again. Really.
One Friday, Without the Milk, October 30, 2006
By Catherine Swinford (St. Petersburg, Florida United States)
He always brought home milk on Friday.
After a long hard week full of days he would burst through the door, his fatigue hidden behind a smile. There was an icy jug of Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz in his right hand. With his left hand he would grip my waist - I was always cooking dinner - and press the cold frostiness of the jug against my arm as he kissed my cheek. I would jump, mostly to gratify him after a time, and smile lovingly at him. He was a good man, a wonderful husband who always brought the milk on Friday, Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz.
Then there was that Friday, the terrible Friday that would ruin every Friday for the rest of my life. The door opened, but there was no bouyant greeting - no cold jug against the back of my arm. There was no Tuscan Whole Milk in his right hand, nor his left. There came no kiss. I watched as he sat down in a kitchen chair to remove his shoes. He wore no fatigue, but also no smile. I didn't speak, but turned back to the beans I had been stirring. I stirred until most of their little shrivelled skins floated to the surface of the cloudy water. Something was wrong, but it was vague wrongness that no amount of hard thought could give shape to.
Over dinner that night I casually inserted,"What happened to the milk?"
"Oh,"he smiled sheepishly, glancing aside,"I guess I forgot today."
That was when I knew. He was tired of this life with me, tired of bringing home the Tuscan Whole Milk, 1 Gallon, 128 fl oz. He was probably shoveling funds into a secret bank account, looking at apartments in town, casting furtive glances at cashiers and secretaries and waitresses. That's when I knew it was over. Some time later he moved in with a cashier from the Food Mart down the street. And me? Well, I've gone soy.
The reviews are priceless.
Link from Mike.
[originally posted 12/12]
Sun Jun 3, 2007 10:39 pm (PST)
Apple Computers announced today that it has developed a computer chip that can store and play music in women's breast implants. The iBoob will cost between $499 and $599.
This is considered to be a major breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.
[from a humor list I'm on]
[from the mailing list of silly things]
Lacking fins or tail the gefilte fish
swims with great difficulty.
peace is knowing one's child
is an internist.
On Passover we
opened the door for Elijah.
Now our cat is gone.